"You Might Be From Long Island If…"
By David Strauss and Evan Goldstein.

1. Half your senior class worked at Roosevelt Field.
2. You side with Billy in this whole fishing mess.
3. NCC may be 13th grade, but heck, Playboy voted them the best looking college girls in America. And Hofstra sucks.
4. You know the exact point at which Queens turns into Nassau simply on intuition.
5. You love the Glen Curtis Boulevard, and use it every time you visit the Coliseum.
6. You wonder why the Jets didn't move to Roosevelt Raceway.
7. Four words: United Skates of America.
8. You grew up thinking Chinese food was a basic food group.
9. You're used to driving down the street in December and seeing more light-up menorahs than you can shake a latka at. In fact, even your non-Jewish friends know what Matzoh is. And you've never driven more than 10 miles without seeing a temple.
10. You know that the EAB tree is such an attempt to become Manhattan, but you go out for the ceremony every year anyway.
11. Oh, your parents are from Brooklyn? So are mine!
12. After seeing a movie, you remembering spending hours deciding what to do afterwards, then ending up at the diner since nothing else was still open.
13. Yes, admit it, you've cruised the Pike.
14. You have nothing against the sport, but all the lacrosse players in your school made you ill.
15. You can pinpoint the day that you realized that Adventureland sucks. You are nearing the day that you realize that Great Adventure sucks.
16. You remember when you'd rather walk than take the late bus.
17. You think that High School sports just aren't that important.
18. You know where the Coliseum Motor Inn is, but you've never actually stayed there. You know someone who stayed at the Commack Motor Inn after Prom.
19. You've sat around on New Year's thinking: "Times Square, or something lame? Times Square, or something lame? Oh, what the hell, something lame."
20. You once ditched school and went to Eisenhower Park or Jones Beach.
21. You remember the heyday of Debbie Gibson.
22. You've tried to find the Amityville horror house.
23. You've gotten a Slurpy in the winter.
24. You taped your windows waiting for Gloria.
25. You can remember making up rules for "Shotgun" calls in high school.
26. You remember where you were May 24, 1980, at 7:11 of Overtime.
27. You remember when Newsday first added color to Part II.
28. You have cursed at the monopoly that is Cablevision.
29. You've argued with your city friends over whether LILCO is worse than Con Ed.
30. You know the many advantages and disadvantages of LaGuardia vs. Kennedy, and once you actually schlepped out to Islip.
31. Long Island Voice? Why the hell would I want that? Oh, it's free? Gimme two. And a couple of those Island-Ears too.
32. You have a friend who knows a guy who has a friend whose sister knows this girl whose doctor's uncle had a teacher whose daughter sat next to Amy Fisher in 10th grade Social Studies.
33. The most exciting day of your summer was when tickets to every Jones Beach show went on sale. You used to camp out at Ticketron for them.
34. Your elementary school promoted dodge ball as the top gym activity. (That's gym, not P.E.)
35. You once argued Hernandez vs. Mattingly.
36. You were upset when all the Roy Rogers turned into Wendy's.
37. Loews? Sony? Loews? Sony?
38. You don't remember why, but you actually ate at White Castle that night after all those beers.
39. You considered nachos and cheese at the Coliseum to be a suitable dinner date.
40. You order a pizza pie and a soda and expect people will understand.
41. You can spout off all the LIRR stops between Penn Station and Seaford.
42. You get a wave of nostalgia when someone mentions Nunley's.
43. Two words: Safety Town.
44. You accept without question the East Meadow triangle: a nice school, a nice hospital and a nice maximum security prison.
45. You know the back way out of the Jones Beach theater.
46. You always said it would be cool to go see Letterman, but you never went.
47. Paying $25 for a haircut doesn't sound so crazy.
48. You remember WDRE, but complain that the original WLIR was better in the mid-80s anyway.
49. You knew U2 and The Alarm before anyone else did, and your entire school attended the Rush concert every tour.
50. You miss whiffleball and running through sprinklers.